fly written stuff
- written stuff -

its story time!
& this is the story of stan
Stan was a man - he was a man with one hand - One Hand Stan - thats what people called him - & why did Stan have only one hand? - well he was born with just one hand & thats just the way it happened - so One Hand Stan had only one hand BUT it was the BIGGEST hand in town - & now here is a story from the childhood of One Hand Stan

when Stan was a very small boy with only one hand he used to watch bugs bunny on television & although the reception was really bad on his parents black & white set - Stan didnt care - he watched the show every Saturday & the fact that bugs was horizontally & vertically unstable was A.O.K. by Stan - well one day Stan was watching & it was an episode set in one of those old west ghost towns - bugs was gambling with an evil cowboy - bugs was pretending to be real stupid but he kept winning all of the gold!! - so then the evil cowboy says that they will now play poker & so he explains the game to bugs & he says - biggest hand wins!! - so bugs blows up his glove until its really big & he shows it to the evil cowboy & the evil cowboys jaw just drops!! - & then bugs wheels out all the gold in a cart!!! - "biggest hand wins" said young One Hand Stan thoughtfully to himself

after that he never watched bugs bunny again - he spent all his extra time at the gym exercising his hand to make it big & strong - & sure enough One Hand Stan soon had the biggest hand in town! - he became the editor & publisher of the town paper which was called the daily questionaire - & he also ran the presses that printed the paper - everyday!! - & he was happy because he believed in one thing - "biggest hand wins" - he would walk down the street - "biggest hand wins!" he would say instead of hello as he smiled & waved to all his friends - "biggest hand wins!" - but then one day a stranger came to town & his name was Big Toe Joe - "put your best foot forward" he said to Stan instead of hello - "biggest hand wins!" said Big Hand Stan instead of hello
"put your best foot forward!"
"biggest hand wins!"
"put your best foot forward!"
"biggest hand wins!"

Big Hand Stan - Big Toe Joe - standing face to face & nose to nose - & it looked like they would never move - & it looked like they were both set in their ways - big hand big toe big deal big words flying back & forth out of big mouths making a big mess out of the peace & quiet - fucking the molecules of silence into the birth of a situation - a situation with explosive potential - Stan drew back his big hand & Joe drew back his big toe & then


Stan hit Joe in the face & Joe kicked Stan all over the place - & then they both lost control & they were kickin & punchin & bitin & scratchin & dust was flyin & everyone was watchin & takin bets - the hand or the toe? - what was the point - they didnt want to know - & the battle raged on & the sun went down as red as blood & the moon came out & it shone down white as bone on the body of the conflict of the hand & the toe - phrase to action - flesh to bone - & then just before dawn the clouds came home & it seemed the whole world was as dark as mud & the sounds of the struggle were all that remained of Stan & Joe
& then silence

the sun rose & the curtains of all the windows in the town were pulled apart & the dust was just beginning to settle & all that anyone could see - there in the middle of the road - was one big hand & one big toe - but where was Stan? - & where was Joe? - they just didn t know - they just didn t know - & so they looked & looked for someone to blame - they looked & looked for anything to call a cause to this effect that was confusing them & then down the road came homeless Jack
& on his back he had a pack
so quickly the crowd surrounded Jack

it must be his fault! & whats in his pack? - is it crack? is it smack? or is it a gun or something like that? - well Jack was from New York City & so he remained calm even though he was surrounded by a frightened & malicious throng - he took the pack off his back & told them "no its nuthin like that - whats in my pack is big & black & if you look inside you might never come back & you can all go ahead if you want to do that" well of course everyone just thought this guy is obviously insane which explains why he is homeless but suddenly none of them wanted to look into his pack - they were definitely
scared of that! - & they all stepped back

all except for Curious Doris who immediately stepped forward & quickly stuck her head in the pack of homeless Jack & indeed inside it was big & black - & Doris was immediately sucked into the pack which was suddenly like outerspace - like she was travelling through a black hole - like in startreck she was thinking - & it was dark & cold until someone lifted the lid & she found that she was inside a dumpster deep in the heart of downtown Manhatten - & as she crawled out onto the street she wondered if her whole life had been a dream & maybe she had never had a home & it seemed like noone else had a home either - it seemed like in this town there were more people living on the street than there were in buildings

& there were thousands of people marching past her carrying signs & doris being very curious followed them - & it was a big protest because due to the policies of the mayor of the city many people had been evicted from their homes & now most of the population was living on the street while their apartments were occupied by robots who didnt seem to be engaged in any worthwhile activity whatsoever & finding out all of this bullshit was of course making curious doris absolutely furious

the march ended in front of city hall where it was demanded that the mayor answer to his gross mishandling of city housing - well the mayor came out to talk to the people but things were not going so well because he just kept telling the people that they were just too rude & he couldn t listen to them & this was just making everyone angrier & it looked like nothing would be solved but then suddenly curious doris piped up & said excuse me mister mayor but how should people act? who should people imitate? well - the mayor replied - the world would probably be perfect if everyone was just like me hmmm said doris - well you live in a beautiful house & how much rent do you pay mr mayor?

well the mayor s face turned red as raw meat cuz he sure was beat since he lived rent free & now he was forced to agree that from that time forward everyone would live in beautiful houses & not pay a goddam cent not even to the government & all those robots would have to go somewhere else & build their own dam houses

of course the moral of the story is people shouldnt waste time fighting amongst themselves over little things like hands & toes when there are bigger things to accomplish like abolishing rent & freeing the land


top of page

back to written stuff index